Returning from my travels at the age of 27, I was ready for the next chapter of my life. I relished my singledom but now I needed to find a man and have babies. At least that’s what my mom told me. I am so amazed that Vishal didn’t run for the hills after our first date where I brutally interrogated him about what his intentions were towards me and when I told him that I was ready for a husband and babies and not interested in being messed around. Who knows maybe I secretly wished he would run because I was so fearful of commitment back then. But kudos to the man, he had staying power and less than two years later we were married. Although he still complains to anyone who would listen, about how it took him 13 dates to get a kiss out of me! Lol!!! I was so wicked!
Literally in the month we were to get married I stopped my pill. Then came the agonizing wait. Initially we didn’t get stressed when every month nothing happened. Well when I say ‘we’ I really meant ‘I’. But after 8 months it started to become a slight obsession and that’s when I started googling! I had only went to the doctor 11 months later where I was told I had policystic ovaries and falling pregnant would be a challenge. I was being monitored by the Gynae at this stage which was no fun. In the last visit he told me it wasn’t going to happen that month so Vish and I went off sadly on our trip to Mauritius.
In Mauritius we went to the Shiva temple for the first time. There was something so special and overwhelming about the place. I couldn’t understand why because I’ve been to many temples. As is custom there, the priest did a prayer with us and our friends and at the end he says ask for anything you desire. So I asked for a baby. Low and behold a month later I find out I was pregnant! I do think Vish and I should take some credit in this too though, lol.
After a roller coaster pregnancy, the first 3 months being awful due to morning sickness, we had our beautiful chubby baby boy. Like every new mother I was doting, maybe a bit too doting and too careful (of course back then I would never had admitted it).I breastfed my baby on demand because that’s what I was told to do. But then I couldn’t determine whether he was comfort sucking or really hungry so I was feeding him every hour and a half! Needless to say I was not getting much sleep day or night. And I would feel guilty to not feed him. Not intentionally, because I thought I was being the best mom I could be, I spoilt Ruan in that he refused to take a bottle or formula and so going out became very difficult. That with the fact that he mixed up day and night with his sleeps meant I didn’t get much sleep either. Grumpy! When Vish would wake up to help I would send him back to bed because he didn’t have boobies so I thought he would be no help. And that was my biggest mistake. In hindsight had I been strong enough, I should have let Vishal feed Ruan expressed milk from a bottle every night even if he cried initially. And I should have subjected him to noise while he slept. Because I didn’t, with every sound heard he would wake from his sleep. It became torturous. I found that I was only showering at 1pm and I was a walking nightmare. Of course as you can imagine this didn’t help my marriage. But as the months past it either became easier or I became used to this way of life because 9 months after Ruan was born we went back to Mauritius for a holiday and this time I asked for a girl!
Nine months later Ziva was born. Either I am a very resilient woman or I am crazy. I’d like to think the former personally. But with Ziva it was different, because I had learned from my mistakes and I wasn’t so rigid and anal. I had no choice but to let go and take a chill pill. It was hard no lie! Ruan only started talking at 3 years 3 months so for the longest time I had to guess what their cries were about. Coupled with that we moved house twice with two children under 3.
So you can imagine why I was a recluse for 5 years. But now as I look at my children playing together on the trampoline as I type this out…I have absolutely no regrets. I am so glad we had them so close together because now they are such good friends and finally Vish and I have a life again… Grandparents love having them because they are little people who are so entertaining. So it’s a win win cos they love going to their grandparents where they get so spoilt. Don’t get me started on that, where’s those disciplinarian’s who brought us up!!! They have so mellowed with age. I’m not complaining though, because they are our lifesavers and we love them.
As I read this back to myself and the last few blogs I can’t help but wonder why I have been so brutally honest about my life and have disclosed some personal pictures. I guess it’s because I’m a people’s person that I get to interact with so many people out there that I realize that my issues are their issues. And to those that are going through what I went through know that with positive thoughts and actions life will only get easier. Just keep your head up! It’s only having made those mistakes do I understand that now.
Which brings me back to the present…but that’s for the next chapter. Happy reading guys. Ciao for now xx