First of all apologies for the lateness of my blog. I did what I have a habit of doing, which is second guessing my self and self worth. I thought I might as well stop writing the blog because no one cares about my story and experiences and then, in just this last week, 3 good friends tell me how much they love and wait for my blog and how they can identify with it but can’t find the words to express themselves.
Why do we do that? Why do we start something with so much passion, vigor and excitement and then in a moments self doubt are willing to throw it all away. Crazy girl! What was I thinking…? Thank God for good friends who are able to give you that positive push when you need it…you know who you are.
Ok, so my obstacles on this path of life… Well we’ve clearly established, are moments of doubt when it comes to self worth. I’m human and it’s what keeps me grounded…its my story and I’m sticking with it! Lol!
For me, growing up, it would have to be my acne. That for me, was the one thing that made me feel so uncomfortable in my own body. It covered my face, back and chest and it left such horrible scars. It took 12 years and two courses of Roaccutane for it to get to some kind of normality but then one problem just replaced another because then my hair started falling due to the high doses of Vitamin A. That and two babies in close succession really did take its toll on my hair as well as my self esteem. But at least thank the Lord for make up! Even if I did use the wrong color for 5 years and my face looked 3 shades whiter than my neck in photos (wish I had those photos to show you), it still gave me the self confidence to face the world. I was able to hide my imperfections behind this facade and it made me feel beautiful even if I didn’t necessarily look or feel it. I continued this way for over 10 years and thereafter it became a habit even when the acne cleared. My husband would ask me, “why do you have to wear the make up, you don’t need it”and to this day my answer would be, because it makes me feel beautiful and I don’t know why but applying it calms me. Since having kids, it is also my five minutes in the day that I have for myself and no one is taking that away!
Physical appearance does matter however it shouldn’t define you. I still went overseas and learnt to salsa dance on the streets of Baltimore. And got the opportunity to work at some amazing firms. Acne may have scared my face but it didn’t scar my personality. And it’s our personality that determines how we see things and how others see us.
Another thing that I remember always doing was looking for validation and recognition from the opposite sex. Often, I used to find myself in a position where I’ve had to compromise who I was and my beliefs so that I could fit into my partners world. And again, why do we do that? I don’t think this applies to just women. Even Vishal, my husband, became someone he was not during our dating period to ‘land the girl’. Thankfully for him, I fell in love with who he really was as a person, (lol, his friends sold him out and told me all about his debaucherous escapades). Is it a charade that can be kept up forever, of course not, so why be someone you’re not. Rather let the person fall in love with the real you and appreciate you for who you are. We should never lose in essence who we are but just become better versions of ourselves as we grow and successfully overcome life’s challenges.
It’s only taken me 35 years to realize this, but that’s ok. Because, all the experiences and challenges that I have faced along the way have only made me stronger. It’s given me a life story to share. And it’s taken a Mrs South Africa journey to have put me on this path of realization and self reflection.
In my next chapter I shall share with you my life experience of, being a mother. I’m pretty sure most of you moms and dads for that matter, would be able to identify.
Thanks for reading guys…ciao for now xx